Epic Action Rideshare News: Formerly known as Sexy Action Rideshare News
Hello and welcome to Sexy Action RideShare News (SARN)!
Today we begin with an investigative report by Susan WhitePriveledgeo. ” Flat rate prices. Who do they benefit and who do they screw over?”. It is a quote echoed throughtout the entire rideshare industry. Some drivers can care less about passengers being charged double than their pay. Other drivers believe it is cause to drop surge rates due to high prices. While AltSurge Vice President Rich CashMonah has stated,”When rides are so costly it makes it harder to get tips. Uber got me completely fu*ked up especially with these 50 for $50 promos!”. An anonymous driver has accused uber of screwing over passengers the most during weekends. Do you believe these accusations or do you believe Egg Nog Frappucinos are more important?
Next up is “Trouble in Pararide”. Over the weekend a certain driver posted a picture of a pizza that looked like it was an challenge in SAW 9 to eat. The comments quickly roasted the pizza, but even the roast could not make it look properly cooked. With Ace leading the comments, the user quit the group like a little “female organ”. Was Ace correct in her honesty or did she “go too far?”. I don’t know; but “she needs to calm down” according to an anonymous driver, “…because she looks like she can’t even bake eggs”. Has these facebook groups become a gateway to pinetrest? Also, WTF does this have to do with ride-sharing?
Up next is a story from our top field reporter David Dongwa,”Yes I am sitting here now eating orange chicken and looking at the Lyft app. I can not find any scheduled trips for sh*t? Do people not do it anymore or am I just an unlucky son of a glitch?. I don’t feel like doing Uber because they keep giving me 2 mile trips that requires a 15 minute pick up. O and did you know that if you sing country music with a passenger you don’t have to worry about a bad rating? ”
Ummm, well thank you Mr. Dongwa for that piece…
Onto stats, this morning was quite lit on Lyft, Uber seemed to not know how to surge. It looked cloudy AF, but the rain did not “fall down on me, fall down on me…”. The national vomit index has went up to 5% due to recent tweets by Presidents Trump and/or Obama. The chance of surge is at 1%, while the chance of tipping is at George_W_Bush_GPA%.
Now for our final story, there are numerous reports that n-words don’t know how to drive especially on Lake Shore Drive. With many SUVs and Trucks swerving over lanes and some cars braking too damn early be safe on these streets. Be always vigilant because with the new iPhone X out someone is bound to be the 1st to crash their car using it.
That’s all for today. Susan, back to you…