Epic Action Rideshare News: Formerly known as Sexy Action Rideshare News
Sexy Action Rideshare News: Hello fellow rideshare drivers and welcome to SARN!
It has been some time. Due to recent scares of nuclear bombs from North Korea we are broadcasting live from a bomb shelter some guy named Tito on 137th and Ashland let us borrow. We couldn’t gather any stats today as we sold our calculator for a can of Krogers chilli. Now moving on…
Our top story is about people taking the knee during the NFL game. AltSurge is quite upset that outraged Americans on both sides are not ordering enough rides to cause decent surges during the games. Many drivers instead of protesting by bending the knee gave 1star ratings to anyone they suspected of being on the anti-kneeler movement. Uber and Lyft no doubt pretended to care.
Next up is our story on Uber dealing a giant F**kYou to drivers who thought they came up. People who milked the 6 destination filter were quickly told to piss off and go back to 2 filters. Lyft meanwhile just added a way to call them. Now drivers can deal with Zimbumafoo from Somaliland saying,”Im sorry my friend, but we can’t help you” audibly too. What a week!
Now for our final story, some drivers are complaining that some passengers need to calm the f**k down. One Jason from Bridgeport said a female customer asked to turn his music low af down even more down. He also reports she ate an apple with such loud bites it sounded like she was eating the flesh of a horse. Another driver has looked for a real job to spare him of the passwngers who behave as if they unpleasantly have sticks so far up their ass that they taste leaves for brunch. Are you all also fed up with rideshare or are we bound by the same torment?
Susan, back to you…