Sexy Action News: September 15, 2017

Epic Action Rideshare News: Formerly known as Sexy Action Rideshare News

Sexy Action Rideshare News: Hello fellow rideshare drivers and welcome to SARN!

We are live at the ORD lot. There are many cars parked illegally even tho it appears there is 25 free spaces. Lazy a**holes or complete douches? We don’t know, but the food truck man is feeding the masses. I guess he even has Frosted Flakes for those interested. Reports from Carmrio have linked the port o pottys to be in a state of filth. Governor Rauner has not declared a State Emergency, but for those eating Taco Bell for breakfast be warned.

Our next story is on what if CPD and/or the FBI were Rideshare drivers. Sober or not, many riders often tell their driver for no apparent reason of crimes they commit. Is it against policy for them to go undercover and arrest suspects? Megan a top Political Analyst from Somaliland had these words to share, ” It terrifies me that these dumb a#$ passengers tell strangers so much. You would think after watching 3 episodes of Game of Thrones they would be more careful. To make matters worse they could be on live dash cam saying these things. Riders everywhere need to learn how to stfu about any illegal thing they do or they risk putting themselves in jail”. Thanks Meg.

Next up is stats hot off the presses. Thanks to the Trump administration stocks are skyrocketing. Weather seems nice,but see attachment. As its Faded Friday expect many drunk lesbians in your car. This brings the national vomit up to 13%. The chance of tips are at 34%, with the surge chance rate at 40%. Lots of people high on meth may be ordering ubers to their homes in Wheaton tonight.

Now for our final story, Chicago is trying to regulate TNP even more. If passed these new laws will screw over drivers like Joe the Plumber who uses Via as a 3rd source of income. The rules will also attempt to decimate the surges especially when someone dies on the CTA, because for some reason its rideshare drivers fault people die on CTA. This seems like a cash grab and more laws for the sake of more laws. AltSurge’s president Robert E. Dollars has vowed to leave the union and turn Detroit into New Chicago if further provoked. Top Chicago Political Scientist Nathan believes Chicago and Cook county as a whole is filled with politicians who will never fight for those who need help most, but will devote all resources to places like Lakeview, Wrigleyvillle and River North.

That’s all for today, so Susan back to you.

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Editor for the pleasant site of SDNIA.com.