Epic Action Rideshare News: Formerly known as Sexy Action Rideshare News
Sexy Action Rideshare News: Hello fellow rideshare drivers and welcome to SARN.
Today we begin with our top story,”Never under estimate a Tuesday night”. The local casino in Rivers has many stories, but on a Tuesday night what could happen. Daniel picked up 2 drunk ladies looking for a club or bar to attend at 3am. The ladies cracked many jokes about being polish and ended up doing a loop from Rosemont to Spybar and back after realizing wasnt sh*t to do. The lack of surge made the trip barely worth it according to Dan.
Next up is an interesting app some people in Silicon Valley are developing called,” Strong CAR Hand”. The company is seeking 1.4 trillion dollars for its first round of funding. The idea of the app is for consenting parties to order for their driver to pull up to their friend, h*, thot,etc and smack them into next week. The WSFNJ is calling the app revolutionary. Many uber eats drivers are interested as the app plans to pay them 4x the rate. We asked one pedestrian walking with his “ladies” about his use of the app and he had these words to say.” Pimp named slick back here, yea I use the app because my pimp hand can’t smack 5 bi**ches at once. I think this can be useful for anyone dealing with this sort of industry. My one grip is the app is 14gb. If they can fix that pimps gonna be able to even do schedule smack ups. I just love technology!”
Next up is stats. As the summer ends many will be looking for that last time to get turnt. This leads to projections of the national vomit index creating a category 7 advisory. All drivers in the U.S are being advised to not pick up after 3am this week. Due to back to school supplies the tipping chance rate is at 3%. Tyrone had to buy Shiniqua her notebooks so now he broke. The surge chance rate is at 22% thanks to possible scattered showers.
Our final story is on the grind. Reports arose that many drivers are treating the mdw and ord lots like hotels, some are even earning over 1.8k a week by working 70+ hours on regular uber/lyft/via. AltSurge has vehemently condemmed drivers working over 40 hours a week and claim if a driver is on too d**n long he is killing the little surge left. But is it safe to work past 60 hours on all apps? The city doesn’t believe so and widespread posts are confirming they are ticketing people mercilessly. Also, other grind partners claim to working in 13 hour stretches followed by 6 hour breaks. Can so much grinding be bad on the body?
That’s it for today. Susan has an announcement.
“It has been a pleasure working with SARN and today I’m announcing my retirement. I used Nathan’s promo code for robinhood and got rich. So peace out bi**ches. ”
Well. Thank you Susan for your epic journalism. Mike AsianName, back to you…