Sexy Action News: September 5, 2017

Epic Action Rideshare News: Formerly known as Sexy Action Rideshare News

 

Sexy Action Rideshare News: Hello fellow rideshare drivers and welcome to SARN. Rejoice as we begin the second half of the season of the news you drivers want.

We are live at the good ole ORD lot where the Via queue is unknown, while Lyft is keeping it real at 124 with a slight surge. The uber app won’t open randomly, so welp. The lot is reasonably filled with many empty spots, but that does not detour the giant douche outside from parking in those yellow lines.

Now for our top story, i90 east near harlem has a huge accident. It looks like a 5 car Collison. If you are taking people from Ohare give them the i294 special and tell them about the accident. The timeline for that sh*t to clear is unknown. We at SARN hope all those involved are iiight.

Next is stats. National vomit index is down like the stock market. Actual number is 2%.The tipping rate is at 12% chance and the chance of surge rate at 14%. Weather is attatched.

For our final story we have is on rumors of blowjob specials happening during trips. Special agent Angela Valdeeznuts is here to report. “Thank you Nathan. What is a blowjob special? Well it is when 2 horny af passengers either begin performing the act of filacio in the back seat without the drivers permission. If noticed they will offer currency whether in app tips or cash if they are able to finish. One driver recently said he allowed it to happen as long as the female performing the act swallowed the remains. No one knows why these couples are not able to wait for the ride to be over; but one thing is certain many drivers are hoping to get the extra tip. Nathan back to you”

Thank you Angie. Keep safe out there drivers, keep them doors locked and not drive too late. Susan back to you…

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About Nathan 56 Articles
Editor for the pleasant site of SDNIA.com.