Sexy Action News: August 23, 2017

Epic Action Rideshare News: Formerly known as Sexy Action Rideshare News

 

Sexy Action Rideshare News: Hello and happy Wednesday. SARN today is live at the ORD lot on Balmoral and Ohare Way. The lot is reasonably filled with many drivers eager for a potential unicorn, while reality is everyone here has a 80% chance of getting a $20 trip to the city or a suburb that has 7 miles to be driven on an East-West street. The guy right by me is washing his windows with Windex. As I look over I wonder if he will get any more tips from that or is it just a vain attempt to make his car as shiny as possible for a possible pool ride to Rosemont Hyatt.

Our first story is on Via. I recently was approved to drive for Via. The background check Checkr took about 2 days to approve me even though I believe Uber/Lyft also use it. I guess anything could happen between the previous checks. Via is currently seen as the underdog with no chance of taking over the market. It’s business model is quite interesting though. With it being essentially a higher class version of CTA(bus) it appears many people may actually find joy in using the platform. Although their emblem with the unlimited numbers on it has yet to reach my mailbox I look forward to my first trip. SARN will of course update you on the process later on this month.

Our next story is on stats. It appears today the Nasdaq has dropped by 19ish points. I hope Apple can survive an economy of this caliber. The national vomit index is relatively high for a Wednesday at 7%. Today many may partake in Wasted Wednesday as college resumes for many next week. The chance of surge rate is relatively low(although its Wednesday) and it will be at 6% unless this evening rush hour has something to say about it. The tipping expectancy rate is at 12%. People doing airport runs will probably make the majority of tips today and of course the night squad.

Now we have a story on the Cold War between Uber and Lyft. Although people posted like 10 times about this, SARN has to add its own fire to the rain forest. Uber recently increased its destination filter limit from 2x to 6x. Lyft has had unlimited(AFAIK) for a long time now. With this change for Uber we hope the system can handle people doing these many filters on a nearly daily basis. At times filters will over-ride nearby drivers and although it is perfect to take one’s a$% home it can become detrimental to many in the area. But good job Uber. Lyft is still happy with its change of paying drivers the same for Lyft Line Time/Miles as they do for regular Lyft rides. Which change matters more? I haven’t the slightest clue.

Big shout out to Kelly for wondering where the hell is today’s SARN article at.

Now for our final story: The Rideshare 15. It’s name is based on the College 15, meaning a freshmen student in college is probably gonna gain 15 lbs due to poor eating habits. We as uber drivers if really thirsty can work 12 hour days while going through Drive Thrus all the time. Susan from Wilmette had these words to say, “Yea, since I started doing Lyft I go to Burger King all the time. I rarely order salads and I always get the large drink. I think the last time I ate a decent meal at home was when my ex-husband told me he was cheating on me and I kicked him out of the home and cooked myself lobster to celebrate me taking half of everything he has. I even broke his GTA 5 disc and wrote “2.” in front of the 5 to say he will now be playing GTA 2.5. Ooops, but I digress. I have been eating really shitty since I started doing Uber/Lyft. What should I do?”

Have you been a victim of the Rideshare 15? I have been drinking SlimFast as meals while I Uber/Lyft, but its quite dangerous territory. Let the honesty set you free.

That is it today at SARN. Susan(not from Wilmette), back to you..

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Editor for the pleasant site of SDNIA.com.